Motion on the horizon

Good news: I'm finally spotting movement within the economy, film industry and stars! It looks like the cloud of frustration within my acting community, sparked by the lack of interesting projects or jobs, has finally passed and shines light on plenty of blossoms.

First I got a call from a producer that showed interest in adding me to her new film we'd shoot this summer. The documentary will be about six german women living in California and will be aired on german TV. Reacting in sheer panic at first regarding the intrusion into my privacy, it didn't take much to change my mind and I agreed to be part of it. After all, my adventures here (even during the tricky stages of the journey) are a big part of what I believe in: Being brave, willing to suffer, and staying humble while following our dreams. Even if that’ll mean the makers might only catch the blunt part of artist’s life- but that’s part of it.

A few days later I got the opportunity to audition for an independent feature film and got to flex my auditioning muscle again. Boy, was I glad I kept auditing my acting class (since I can't afford it right now) over the last few months. That way it was much easier to get back into it. All I had to do was relaxing while bringing my self to it.

I gotta say: Any break from acting truly makes me appreciate the process again and helps me staying calm, so I was extremely happy to meet up with my active actor friend Tommy for even more inspiration today. He told me about a new film he'll be in and intents to suggest me for a part too. Motivated and ready to go, we even decided to take our excitement, write a scene and shoot it ourselves (for our reels). Something I usually never do...

The thing with Tommy and me is though: We are both in a phase of our career when we're ready to WORK but suffer from the common disease called "the newcomer syndrome". Meaning: You can be great, but nobody will give you a shot until you’ve reached a certain level in your career yourself. Sharing that, it was only logical we instantly had a strong idea for a scene and both knew what kind of material we'd love to add to our reel.

So: We're ready to take it to the next level!! I took an inspirational picture after our brainstorming for you. Watch out for our scene soon.

An idea has been born!



Losing control!

Recently I thought a lot about the necessity and problem with control: The control of society, controlling ourselves, and being in control of what we do. Especially how quickly control can prevent us from following up on what we'd really want to do by obeying rules (sometimes even the ones that are just in our head).

We all agree the world would be pretty crazy and chaotic without control. But does it create a system we feel save in or does it make us be afraid of doing something wrong? We've been told how to 'function' in society, how to be on time, do a job we get paid for - being a disciplined human being. But what if being trained to control ourselves actually cages us in? The irony is: It doesn't even seem to truly prevent us from the things we're afraid of looking at the daily news. Things happen and life doesn't follow rules.

Now, I don't have any intention to cause a stir but I've noticed how being an artist goes against so many things we've been taught so perfectly to fit in. That makes our job so difficult. Keeping a free spirit in a time when the last rebel bends his rules to be able to pay the bills (I've heard even speaking parts get paid like a 'featured extra' these days) makes it pretty difficult. We don't live in regal medieval times or the conservative fifties any more, but we definitely still have a lot of regulations to face.

So how do we deal with control? I got very inspired by a friend who has already distant himself from conformity in some ways. Let's call him my writer friend "Mr. Z" who gave up his control over "who he will have children with" by anonymously donating into a cup a few times per week and making unknown people happy with his genetics. And judging by his looks he probably already produced a couple of blue eyed, blond sweethearts!

My personal feeling of loosing ground was recently when I was struggling with the decision to get married in the early stages of my relationship. Also, because it meant leaving my family & friends behind and moving to an entirely different country (a huge step for me). Gladly I managed to decide un-controlled and got rewarded with new challenges such as an entirely different culture, new friends, mastering the American accent, the excitement of starting a new career, a marriage. It really got my juices going!



Boarding at LAX, just after meeting

 The entire experience of meeting my husband at the airport, having a first date on the plane 30 minutes later - which became date two and three during the thirteen hours we had to make use of the limited time - and continuing the relationship long distance was a true test of my openness and willingness to hang loose (which was already stated so perfectly on his shirt that afternoon).
 
Right now I'm at a point where I'm facing my small control issues like tidying up the house all day (just in case company might come by), planning out my day so damn perfectly (to get everything done) and only feeling wholesome when validated (which can be anything really).

We only live once and I'm currently developing allergies against expectations and those "invisible" rules that others or we ourselves put upon us. Just watching TV makes me over think at least a dozen things in my life per advertisement break when those thoughts simply distract me from focussing on my true needs. My irresponsible lack of insurances, diet programs, depression pills, cleaning products, hair irons, cute children, etc. that is. I'm sure everyone can relate to that. No wonder we constantly question ourselves and are afraid of not fitting in.

My re-found secret is to resist any kind of influence that doesn't match my true inner believes. Even more so: I feel strong enough to face judgements or complaints (and re-learn to stand up for my mistakes that are necessary to make) and distant myself from people who threaten my confidence. Others will always find things to critic because they think it makes them more wholesome to find flaws in others. Being intimidated though will always take away from our personality (Note for actors: A strong personality is what actually gets us on the screen).

Our wedding 18 months later

I think it really comes down to the common misconception that perfectionism is the ultimate goal. Did you ever notice the more "perfect" we're trying to be, the more things happen to us that proof us wrong? It's a true phenomenon. I believe that's because we need to accept our individuality, flaws and struggles as part of ourselves. Enjoy the ride. Who says they're negative in the first place?! Exactly: Other people, religions or politicians who end up arguing over those rules anyway. That's why the definition of society changes every fifty years- because it's founded on personal opinions, taste or beliefs. My grandparents went through three different political systems alone and told me personally that none of them was "perfect".

Of course it's a thin line between being a professional actor functioning on set and an open artist ready to explore! We've seen it all too many times. But it's our job not to cage us in and find our own individual balance... cage-free!

Your FreeNista.

Shooting at the beach

  

Venice beach



Shooting at the beach surely creates one of those magical, unforgettable experiences that simply make you feel great. I was a beach-water child my entire life and remember the joy I felt as soon as I'd smell the salty ocean, play in the waves and cuddle up in a big towel afterwards - one of my heavenly pleasures until this day.

I'm actually not sure if my feelings are sparked by my memories or because beaches actually are pure bliss. This question especially popped into my head when a friend of mine told me he has never seen an ocean until turning 18, and he even then didn't connect with it. I found that such a weird image that I must have stared at him with an open mouth for at least 10 minutes.

I guess it makes me feel close to god. The silence under water helps me focus on my self and shuts the world out. There's humbleness I feel imagining the endless depth of water in front of me, and peacefulness enters my body with the sound of those waves. It's a powerful peace.

You can imagine my bliss when I recently got notice one of my shootings was gonna take place at Venice beach (funny that I never came up with that perfect combination myself). The experience met my expectations and shooting the commercial was amazing: Completely relaxed and improvisational with fresh air rubbing my nose all day; sand under my feet. I was at total ease...



Director Matt Nothelfer & me on set

The project is based on people's passion to live their dreams- something that I really know well being a dreamer my entire life. Somehow reality or "settling on less" were never even an option for me and almost turns me into a crazy person seeking the impossible. I think I have to thank my mother for that. :)



God only knows what an inspiration she has been to me my entire life. I hope to become such a mother one day: Supporting everything my child wants and dreams about the way she did. That's the only way we'll always go for our dreams - even when the expectations seem too high.

And we will get there with humbleness and patience.

Jessica (1986)

Your

DreamerNista



Getting a grip on the "Come up"

Spending a noticeable amount of time on set of a major production last week was quite an experience and gave me a lot to think about… I gotta admit it's a true pleasure watching the stars act right in front of you. It really brought back my excitement that got me into acting in the first place.

I really enjoyed how serious the actors took their job, yet enjoyed being in the moment and having fun. There’s no pressure, no fame, or the scandal seeking press when it comes to the work on set. It’s not about an egotistical validation but about getting a grip on something to portray it- exactly what it should be.

Of course we all have seen great performances but seeing them live is an entirely different experience. The majority of it surely is simply hitting your marks, staying focused and knowing how a set works. But it stood out to me how minimal the actor’s effort seemed to be to achieve believable acting. Of course I've heard things like "Just be in the moment" or "You are enough" before - but what does that truly mean? I probably never understood it until last week...

Tired from 4:30 am call

The discovery is that acting truly means you simply should not act. If I'm entirely in the moment to put my own self to the situation, I'm the most natural. The irony is that it actually relaxes me, even makes it easier. That's what acting is: Naturalness in combination with true commitment to every single second of it. As soon as we start thinking, we hesitate - which manipulates the beauty of a true reaction. If we don't find the person in the script entirely in us, it will show on camera. Only to mention a few traps. Letting ourselves act how we would anyway avoids all of that. Casting should take care of finding the right actor for the part.

I've already experimented with reacting in my most authentic way for the past week and gotta say it feels real good! I discovered my rhythm is much slower yet intense than I used to think. Simply relaxing, reacting and watching what happens is already half the fun! The good thing about our profession is that we can practise it every day. :)

It surely is crazy that we even have to learn to be ourselves in any given moment, but that's truly what it is. It's the same with characters that are very different to us: Yes we’re supposed to be that different person, but it wouldn't be a believable person if it wasn't for our personal relationship to it.

Can't show pics from set unfortunately, but this is the beautiful sunset.

It has been funny to me that some non-actors come off better than actors sometimes and I've been thinking about that. What I came up with is they either don't have a tendency to over think (can also be caused by too much training) or simply have no fear of reacting naturally. So… Let's all ground ourselves to find the truth about how we would truly react. It’s quite an adventure; but feels great!!

Yours HollywoodNista